


The Sensible Negotiator

by Brynhildr



Series: 40 Days Of Middle Earth [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo the Negotiator, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brynhildr/pseuds/Brynhildr
Summary: Hobbits do not discuss business over food... They wait until after it is finished, then negotiate.Aka Bilbo is so done with this nonsense





	The Sensible Negotiator

Bilbo hated sitting in counsel for trade agreements. 

It wasn't that he didn't think they were important, it's just that nothing ever got done. It was like being back in the Shire. With less polite scolding and more angry yelling.

He stood leaning against the wall, out of the way of Thorin, Balin, Thranduil, and his son as they argued over honey. Honey! Of all things!

"I see you found a nice quiet spot. Mind if I join you?" Bard asked as he gestured to the spot on the wall next to the hobbit.

"Please, help yourself," the hobbit replied, sipping his tea that he had thankfully saved when Thorin had slammed his fist on the table a quarter of an hour ago and upset the tea tray. Bilbo was not pleased about that, but neither was Dori going by the looks he kept shooting his king.

"Shouldn't you be with them, arguing about Dale's share?" Bilbo asked the man after a few moments of companionable silence. The man chuckled. 

"If there is one thing I have learned through raising three children, it is to wait until the bickering dies down or until someone starts crying." The dragon-slayer glanced down at the hobbit. "Should you not also be joining in this... Discussion?" Bard asked, gesturing to the  continually yelling kings and their kin. Bilbo hummed.

"Did you know that we have no kings or princes among hobbits? We have a Thain, who does a bit of negotiation with our surrounding neighbors, but overall it is the heads of the households that make trade agreements when necessary. The proper way is to invite them over for a meal, or tea, and then afterward have several hours of pleasant, but firm discussion until all the parties are satisfied. If it affects more than just one family, the heads are brought together and a vote is taken. If agreements still cannot be made, then the Thain is brought in to make a decision. It takes, generally, quite a while to get anything done, but in the end you still have an agreement and no meals are wrecked in the process." Bilbo finished his tea. "It is horribly impolite to discuss business before the meal is finished, you know." He pushed off the wall and walked slowly over to the King Under The Mountain.

Thorin stopped his rant about the Elf King's horses mid-sentence as the hobbit stepped up to his side and placed his cup on the table in the sudden silence.

"I took the liberty of drawing up some arrangements prior to the meeting." Bilbo stated calmly as he pulled a rolled up scroll out from an inner pocket of his waistcoat. "You'll find it satisfactory for all involved parties in regards to trade, agriculture, hunting rights, road maintenance, and military responsibilities. Galion, Percy, and Ori were quite helpful in obtaining the pertinent information." Everyone stared at him as he handed the parchment to Balin. The two kings and their advisors quickly scanned the document and began muttering to each other. 

"This is ... Acceptable," Thranduil decided after reading through the document several times. "I will agree to these terms." He sat back in his seat while all around waited in shocked silence for the dwarven king to make his decision.

"This is good," the king rumbled. "I agree to these terms as well." He gestured to Bard. "What say you, Dragon-Slayer?"

Bard walked over and looked at the parchment. Beautiful rounded back script covered the entirety of the creamy scroll. It was beautiful, aesthetically. But the contents were just as important. Bilbo had truly thought of everything. Crop plantings and trade, military posts and guards for travelers to and from the kingdoms, distribution of food and resources that would benefit all the kingdoms. Yes, there was compromise, but no one was getting a better or worse deal than the others. 

"I agree to these terms," Bard said as he handed the parchment back to Balin.

"Wonderful!" Bilbo exclaimed with a mischievous smile. "Now as we've already missed luncheon and afternoon tea, I believe it is acceptable to have an early dinner. Bombur should have it ready in a quarter of an hour. Please finish your discussions before you enter the hall." 

And with that, Bilbo left the room.

After several moments of silence, Legolas leaned back from where he had been reading over Balin's shoulder.

"I believe we should make an amendment to the treaty."

The room's occupants turned as one toward the woodland prince.

"What do you see what we have missed?" Thranduil asked his son.

"That Bilbo Baggins, Hobbit of the Shire, Dwarf Friend, Elf Friend, of the Company Of Thorin Oakenshield and of Erebor, be present, as he is able, at all meetings between the leaders of the Three Kingdoms of the North. He managed to do in five minutes what would normally take weeks. He would be a perfect mediator." 

Everyone seemed to mull it over. Bard was the first to speak.

"I say, Aye! And I also say we ought to make our way to the food before our newly appointed mediator becomes angry that we are late for food. I believe in his culture, food is very important."

The other kings both nodded.

"I agree," said the elf king.

"And I," said Thorin as he stood. "Hobbits are most sensible when it comes to food."

"Except that time with the trolls!" Kili said as he got up from his chair where he had been braiding leather chord unobtrusively for the past several hours. "I know for a fact that dwarves do not taste better when rubbed down with sage."

"I told you that was a healing ointment and not to lick it!" Fili responded as he smacked his brother on the shoulder.

"But it smelled like chicken!"

Thorin cradled his head in his hands. His heirs might forever be playful idiots, but his burglar was always full of pleasant surprises.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all are enjoying these little fics! Wrighting every day is difficult, but I've managed to do it so far! No update tomorrow, but expect more stories in this series starting on Monday!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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